Thursday, June 11, 2009

I Feel the Earth Move

Hey there. It's been awhile. I'm still not sure what I'm doing with my blog--indecisive much? I'll just jump in here and give you a few highlights from the past month and a half.

Sean, Kate and I were in California on May 17th, which is Sean's and my wedding anniversary. We celebrated our sixth married year together (there were ten unmarried ones before these past six) in Anaheim, without a lot of hullabaloo (I can't believe I just used the word hullabaloo). We moved from one hotel to another that day and didn't do a whole lot else, aside from taking Kate into the hotel pool. That night, I showered before getting into bed, and while I was in the shower the door to the bathroom started rattling. I called out for Sean and he came to open up the door. When he did, I peeked out from behind the shower curtain and looked at him. He said, "I think this is an earthquake" with a sort of half-scared, half-excited look on his face.

We were both a tiny bit scared, but realized within a short period of time that everything seemed okay and we were not likely to be swallowed up by the earth that night. However, the possibility of that, albeit extremely faint, gave us a little extra impetus to celebrate (if you know what I mean) our anniversary before going to sleep that night. So, so much for waiting until the end of June to start trying to conceive again. Long story short, I actually thought we got unbelievably lucky and managed to get pregnant, but it turns out--not so much.

So, this month, I decided to use an Ovulation Predictor Kit for the first time in my life. I just did my last of seven tests last night and all were negative. What's up with that? Either I started testing too early in my cycle or I didn't ovulate. The latter is certainly not going to help me in the baby-making department. I'm a little worried, but I'm not going to allow myself to be overly anxious about it yet. I'm planning on buying another kit and trying again for my next cycle. Hopefully, I'll find that it was just an anomaly.

In other news, Kate turned three! I can't believe my baby girl is three. On Kate's actual birthday, Sean and I took her to the Minnesota Zoo, and the three of us had a fun family day together. A week later, we had a larger birthday party for Kate, which included her play group friends, a magician (a little overboard, I know), and a lot of Tinkerbell decorations (we took Kate to Disneyland while in California and a Tinkerbell fixation ensued). My mom was able to fly in from Canada for a ten-day-long visit, so she was a part of the birthday festivities, which was very nice. Kate was happy to have a member of her family, aside from Sean and me, here to celebrate with her.

Yesterday, Kate rode her "big-girl" bike (equipped with training wheels) around our block three times!! I jogged beside her, every once in a while righting her leaning bike, and marvelling the whole time at how big she has gotten. She was smiling and giggling almost the entire time, amazed at her speed and amused that I had to run to keep up. Halfway through one lap, I actually got a little choked up about what seemed like a momentous occasion. My girl, in her pink, butterfly-adorned bike helmet, racing around the block with me yelling out instructions like, "slow down at the corner!" and "brake at the alleys!!" and "don't look back, keep looking ahead!"

And I admit that it occurred to me more than once, as I was yelling out that last instruction, that I could stand to do a little more looking ahead in my life. I think I look back and lament what's lost a little too much. I'm not making any grandiose promises to myself that I won't be able to keep, but I will say that, this week, I'm enjoying the here and now, and I'm looking ahead.

I've been getting out for some good, long walks over the last week, which I'm sure is partly responsible for my somewhat improved outlook. Last night, Sean put Kate to bed and I walked outside for a full hour, listening to music on my ipod and feeling really good. Exercise really can make such a big difference to my mood. I mean, just a short while ago I was feeling practically despondent, and last night, while walking, I was feeling like things such as happiness, a healthy life, productivity, another child, and better relationships were all possible for me. I am committed to walking five days a week, and Sean is committed to helping me achieve that goal.