I've come to the conclusion that I need to give myself a few months to be healthier before trying to conceive again. Sean and I were going to start trying again just one cycle after my last ectopic, but I've been doing some thinking (and discussing with my therapist) and have decided that I should try to get into a regular fitness routine, as well as try to sort out (or at least start to try to sort out) some psychological stuff first.
I've actually managed to find some long-lost willpower and I've begun walking a few times a week. I'm hoping to figure out how to try to fit in a thirty- to forty-minute walk, five times a week. I really need to do something about my weight, which is, of course, about more than just my weight. I need to start liking my body again, which is very difficult to do in its current state; I need to have more energy for Kate and my life in general; I need to make sure I'm healthy for myself and my family; I need to set a good example for Kate; I want to be able to go shopping for clothing without becoming depressed and walking away empty-handed; and if I should be lucky enough to get pregnant, I want to do my best to have a healthy pregnancy.
I've been in a perpetual bad mood lately for some known reasons and other mysterious ones. That's not to say that I've had no happy times, and to be honest, Kate makes me smile and laugh daily, even though I'm Mrs. Grumpy. I've been trying not to bring Kate down with me, so I brood on the sly, or save up the grouchies for Mr. Cheery (that's my husband)--what a lucky guy! Anyway, I just wanted to post something short and inarticulate to let you (yes, you, my five--that's probably generous--readers) know where I am in Mission Second Child. (I'm not sure why I'm assigning cute names to things today--maybe to try to make my bad mood less obvious. Is it working?)
I'm going to reassess toward the end of June. In the meantime, my focus will be on my mental and physical health.