Friday, April 24, 2009

A Ladybug and a Wonderful Girl

Just before Kate's nap today, she found a ladybug crawling around on the inside of the screen door on our front porch. She came to get me, excited to show me her discovery. She wanted it to crawl onto her finger, so I helped and we managed to get it to do that. Soon after, I said we should open the door to set it free, so I opened the door and Kate eventually managed to get the ladybug to walk onto the top step that leads to our porch. The ladybug didn't go anywhere immediately, so Kate picked it back up, turned around and headed for the house, saying to the ladybug, "we'll be friends forever." I laughed a little--and my heart melted--and told her that a ladybug probably wouldn't make a good pet so we should release it. So, we started the release all over again; she didn't want to let it go, but eventually she did.

Afterward, we headed upstairs to get ready for her nap, and I suggested that we read one of her ladybug books (she has a few). She liked that idea and chose Ladybug Girl and Bumblebee Boy (really cute picture book), and we happily read that. The book begins with Ladybug Girl saying something, so Kate--I think looking for confirmation--said, "that's Ladybug Girl talking."
"Yes," I said, "it is." And then I went on to point out the quotation marks around the speech, and started explaining how those marks indicate that someone is speaking. (I believe that this lesson was just a tad premature--Kate is not quite three-years-old and can't read yet.) As I was finishing my lecture, Kate said, "whatever."

"Did you just say 'whatever'?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Where did you learn that?" I asked, trying not to chuckle. Well, it turns out she has heard one of her aunts say it (my youngest sister who is only ten), and a neighbour who is also ten. I explained that it's not very nice to say that, and she of course asked why. I told her that it's basically like saying that you don't want to hear what the person who is speaking is talking about (not that I can blame her in this case, though. I was boring her to death, after all). I have to admit, though, I was amused.

We finished reading our book, Kate correcting me when I made mistakes (it's amazing how kids can memorize almost every word of oft-read books, isn't it?), and then after flailing around for about fifteen minutes or so, as she was finally settling down, she whispered, "Mommy?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you right up all around the sky and back," Kate said, paraphrasing a line from Guess How Much I love You.

"I love you right up all around the sky and back, too, Honey," I said.

How--oh, how--can I possibly ever be depressed or anxious or whatever I am, when I have this wondrous, loving, smart and all-around wonderful girl in my life?

Friday, April 17, 2009

A Brief Update

I've come to the conclusion that I need to give myself a few months to be healthier before trying to conceive again. Sean and I were going to start trying again just one cycle after my last ectopic, but I've been doing some thinking (and discussing with my therapist) and have decided that I should try to get into a regular fitness routine, as well as try to sort out (or at least start to try to sort out) some psychological stuff first.

I've actually managed to find some long-lost willpower and I've begun walking a few times a week. I'm hoping to figure out how to try to fit in a thirty- to forty-minute walk, five times a week. I really need to do something about my weight, which is, of course, about more than just my weight. I need to start liking my body again, which is very difficult to do in its current state; I need to have more energy for Kate and my life in general; I need to make sure I'm healthy for myself and my family; I need to set a good example for Kate; I want to be able to go shopping for clothing without becoming depressed and walking away empty-handed; and if I should be lucky enough to get pregnant, I want to do my best to have a healthy pregnancy.

I've been in a perpetual bad mood lately for some known reasons and other mysterious ones. That's not to say that I've had no happy times, and to be honest, Kate makes me smile and laugh daily, even though I'm Mrs. Grumpy. I've been trying not to bring Kate down with me, so I brood on the sly, or save up the grouchies for Mr. Cheery (that's my husband)--what a lucky guy! Anyway, I just wanted to post something short and inarticulate to let you (yes, you, my five--that's probably generous--readers) know where I am in Mission Second Child. (I'm not sure why I'm assigning cute names to things today--maybe to try to make my bad mood less obvious. Is it working?)

I'm going to reassess toward the end of June. In the meantime, my focus will be on my mental and physical health.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Because I need this reminder...

I was perusing the quotes at Thursday Drive (lots of great quotes there, by the way), and I came across this one. I've heard and read it before, but thought that I could use a reminder of such a great and positive message here on my blog.

Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think.
–Horace

I'm not saying I'm good at remembering this and putting it into practice. Actually, I'm often not very good at it, which is precisely why I need the reminder.