I thought I should officially introduce Kate, as I have been thinking that my blog would be infinitely more cheery with a photo or two of my little love. I know that I can be gloomy (especially lately), but I assure you that I am not always that way. I do my best to keep my neurotic tendencies at bay when Kate is around; I don't always succeed, but I do my best and I'm working on it.
Kate, of course, is a huge part of the reason that I am trying to work through some old issues, which have reappeared in my life after having had a hiatus. I felt great for quite a while after Kate's birth, but in the last seven or eight months, I've been experiencing some of my old negative thought processes again. Who knows why exactly. It's probably a combination of a few factors: some difficult life circumstances from long ago and from the recent past, which have not been fully dealt with; Kate getting older and becoming more independent, thereby freeing up time for me to think more about myself; and dissatisfaction with the condition of my body. I want to be more at peace with myself not only for my sake, but for Kate's as well. She is the one person who really provides me with the motivation I need to work at being happier with who I am. So, without further ado, here is Kate.
She amazes me with her intelligence, she makes me laugh, makes me proud, makes my heart melt, and makes me want to pull my hair out, all on a daily basis. I love her more than I can tell you, and I worry that I'm going to fail her somehow, despite how much I love her. I am going to do everything I can to avoid failing her in some huge and permanently damaging way. I have so many doubts about my parenting skills, but I know one thing for sure--Kate will never have to doubt how much I love her. I will be telling and showing her, for the rest of my life, that I love her, and that nothing will ever change that.